In My Tool Bag: The ABCDs of Communication Breakdown
Communication breakdowns are inevitable when you are trying to build a culture of candor on your team or in your organization. The first step in minimizing these painful events is by learning to recognize your own contribution to them. University of Washington psychologist John Gottman identified four communication behaviors that derail relationships so consistently he […]
IN MY TOOL BAG: Empathy: Mastering the Vocabulary of Emotions and Needs
In last week’s blog, I explored the role of empathy in building a culture of candor on a team. I define empathy as the capacity to understand and acknowledge others’ feelings and needs. Over the years I’ve noticed that one barrier, particularly for men, is that we don’t always have a great vocabulary for feelings […]
ON MY MIND: Using Empathy to Avoid “Weaponizing” Candor
There are times when our colleagues do or say things that we label as bothersome, disappointing, or even threatening to our interests. Based on their actions we make fast judgments about who they are – an obstacle, an inconvenience, or even an adversary. These conclusions serve as justification for us to take an aggressive tone, […]
ON MY MIND: Saying “Nice Job” Isn’t Enough
Great leaders understand that they can never give enough recognition as long as it is honest and deserved. For many employees, the right kind of recognition is as valued as monetary rewards. But too often leaders make these errors: The throw-away thank you – Delivering a quick (and superficial) “hey thanks for that” without describing […]
ON MY MIND, A 3-PART SERIES- PART 3: Four Mental Hijackers
In Part 1 of this series, I introduced four “mental hijackers” that undermine our efficacy as leaders. The second blog examined two of those hijackers- worry and regret- and how to overcome them. Now let’s look more closely at the other two mental hijackers – resentment and resignation. Both of these hijackers tend to show […]
ON MY MIND, A 3-PART SERIES- PART 2: Four Mental Hijackers
In my previous blog, I described four mental hijackers – internally generated distractions that take us out of the present moment and cause us to lose focus and perspective. Now let’s look more closely at two of the hijackers – regret and worry. Regret causes us to focus on how we’ve let ourselves or others […]
ON MY MIND, A 3-PART SERIES- PART 1: Four Mental Hijackers
We live in a world of information overload where it’s easy to lose focus on what matters most. From a 24/7 barrage of social media to fervent multi-tasking,- we’re distracted by micro-urgencies that scream for our attention: right now! But in addition to these glaring external distractions, there’s a secondary, subtle set of distractions that […]
FROM MY BOOKSHELF: Courageous Leadership: Leading and Living with Integrity
“What would you do with more courage?” This phrase, in the preface of Shelly Francis’s book, captured me. It immediately brought to mind what I would do: Instead of trying to control a challenging situation I would trust my intuition. I would be willing to make the wrong move. I would draw more frequently on […]
IN MY TOOL BAG: The Atlas of Emotions
There was a time in my life when I had very little vocabulary to describe my emotions beyond happy, sad, and… hungry. OK, technically the third one isn’t really an emotion but it’s all I had at the time. Much later in life, I learned to identify and distinguish a wider range of emotions, to […]