Six Shifts for High-Stakes Conversations, Shift 5: From Blame to Shared Contribution
In this series I’m sharing the Six Shifts leaders can make in order to be more effective in having a high-stakes conversation. Shift 5 involves less focus on looking for someone to blame, and more effort trying to understand what happened. Consultant Marylin Paul wrote in The Systems Thinker: “Blame provides an early and artificial […]
ON MY MIND: Six Shifts for High Stakes Conversations, Shift 2, From Cryptic to Candid
In this series I’m exploring the Six Shifts in mindset and behavior that leaders can make in order to be more successful in having high-stakes conversations — conversations about topics that matter to you and that may elicit conflict or strong emotions in others. Shift 1 was about going into high-stakes conversations with a clear […]
ON MY MIND: Six Shifts for High Stakes Conversations, Shift 1, From Preoccupied to Purposeful
In this series of posts I’m sharing Six Shifts in mindset and behavior that leaders can make in order to be more effective in having high-stakes conversations. For most of us, when we think about having an uncomfortable conversation we worry a lot about what could go wrong, including defensiveness (theirs and ours), conflict escalation, […]
ON MY MIND: Six Shifts for High-Stakes Conversations
It’s the moment of truth. You can’t put it off any longer. The time has come for a difficult conversation with your colleague. You must express serious concerns about their actions or disagreement with them. You worry it will spark defensiveness or do damage to the relationship — and with good reason! It’s become uncomfortably […]
FROM MY TOOL BAG: Are You a Trustworthy Leader?
Leaders often ask me: How can we build trust on this team? I don’t think that’s the right question. Both inside and outside of work, trust is the basis of all relationships. And that trust has to be earned. So, I prefer to ask: How do we become more trustworthy team members? In reviewing the […]
IN MY TOOL BAG: 3+3+3 Centering Practice
When friends ask me, “how’s your week going?” my most common response is “intense.” It’s not that my work is any more demanding than yours. It’s that I have a tendency to be hyper-focused —tuning out even my own basic needs, like food. While this characteristic makes me very productive, it can also deplete me […]
ON MY MIND: The Art of Self-Repair
Recently, I discovered Kintsugi, a fifteenth century Japanese art form dedicated to repairing broken ceramics by filling in the cracks with gold. Once the repair is complete, the “brokenness” of the item — its defects — become its source of beauty and resilience. What if the trials and challenges we face in life were simply […]
ON MY MIND: Leading is Convening
“I-don’t-know.” These are three words that most leaders rarely, if ever, dare utter. Why does the admission of “not knowing” feel so uncomfortable? As a client once shared with me, “A failure to know the answer or offer the solution feels like a failure of my leadership. That’s my job!” I disagree. Always knowing the […]
ON MY MIND: Masks, Light, and Leadership
I recently facilitated a workshop at the Encuentro Internacional de Equipos de Trabajo —an amazing international conference on best practices and innovations in workplace collaboration. My workshop was called: Taking Off Our Masks to Unleash the Power of Authenticity on Your Team. These are the words I used to open the workshop: “People are like […]
ON MY MIND: Saying a Skillful “No”
What makes saying “no” so difficult? First, we all have these archetypal saboteurs that run like tape recordings in our heads. Some of the saboteurs that make saying “no” most difficult include: The pleaser who believes “people won’t like or value me if I don’t meet their needs by saying ‘yes.’” The hyper-achiever who believes […]