Becoming a Non-Anxious Leader
We live in an age of anxiety, and it is contagious. One of the most common self-defeating patterns I see in the leaders I coach is a failure to distinguish anxiety from legitimate urgency. You may be asking yourself: What’s the difference? Here’s how I define the two: Anxiety is an emotional state — often […]
Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations
In a collection of Jewish teachings known as Midrash, the 4th century Rabbi Tanchuma is cited as saying: “When you expect gratitude, you are making your kindness a business transaction.” We all have a tendency to believe that each day we act with unconditional kindness and generosity. But the truth is, we spend a lot […]
Part 2 – Leading Better Meetings: Only Meet for the Right Reasons
How many times have you found yourself sitting in a meeting and silently asking: “What the hell am I doing here?” “Does ‘this’ actually justify being in a room together?”Maybe it’s a standing weekly meeting that no longer serves its original purpose. Or, a promised status update that has turned into an endless presentation with […]
Part 1 – Leading Better Meetings: Why Good People Have Bad Meetings
I’m not sure I need to convince you that there is an endemic dysfunction afflicting our workplaces – terrible meetings. Regardless of whether they are virtual or in-person, meetings can be really bad for a variety of reasons: Meetings aren’t taken seriously. People show up distracted and underprepared. They are skeptical about whether anything of […]
The Curse of the “Striver”
As I celebrated yet another birthday in April, I notice that I am less able to multitask. Tasks that I could once do quickly take me just a bit longer to complete. I also need more recovery time after multi-day meetings. If you are over 45, you may have encountered similar limitations. It’s a reality […]
Do You REALLY “Get” Them?
If you are going to lead – truly lead a team – there is one thing your people must believe and say about you; “my leader gets me”. This phrase is shorthand for: You know what motivates them to show up each day. You seek to understand and affirm their feelings and perspectives. You take […]
Is Your Ego Getting the Best of You?
I think about ego as the idealized or overinflated story each of us tells about who we are – a story that is like a shield. It provides protection, but also blocks our view and it is very difficult to put down. Do you have an ego story? It might be the story about how […]
ON MY MIND: Six Shifts for High Stakes Conversations, Shift 1, From Preoccupied to Purposeful
In this series of posts I’m sharing Six Shifts in mindset and behavior that leaders can make in order to be more effective in having high-stakes conversations. For most of us, when we think about having an uncomfortable conversation we worry a lot about what could go wrong, including defensiveness (theirs and ours), conflict escalation, […]
ON MY MIND: Six Shifts for High-Stakes Conversations
It’s the moment of truth. You can’t put it off any longer. The time has come for a difficult conversation with your colleague. You must express serious concerns about their actions or disagreement with them. You worry it will spark defensiveness or do damage to the relationship — and with good reason! It’s become uncomfortably […]
ON MY MIND: Demanding vs. Demeaning
Over the past month I’ve been in very similar conversations with three different clients. They’ve gone something like this: Client: I think some of my people think I’m a real a$$hole. Me: Why might they feel that way? Client: Because before I arrived nobody demanded much of them and I do. Me: What do you […]