ON MY MIND: Saying a Skillful “No”
What makes saying “no” so difficult? First, we all have these archetypal saboteurs that run like tape recordings in our heads. Some of the saboteurs that make saying “no” most difficult include: The pleaser who believes “people won’t like or value me if I don’t meet their needs by saying ‘yes.’” The hyper-achiever who believes […]
ON MY MIND: Using Empathy to Avoid “Weaponizing” Candor
There are times when our colleagues do or say things that we label as bothersome, disappointing, or even threatening to our interests. Based on their actions we make fast judgments about who they are – an obstacle, an inconvenience, or even an adversary. These conclusions serve as justification for us to take an aggressive tone, […]
ON MY MIND: Are You Speaking Up When it Matters?
Recently, I’ve been writing about how to build a culture of skillful candor on a team while emphasizing the necessity of courageous listening as a way to increase team learning and lay the foundation for safety. This kind of listening is an important capacity that’s central to a TRUEteam culture. Of equal importance is speaking […]
FROM MY BOOKSHELF: Fierce to Fire, Two Books for Mastering Candor
My last two blogs were about building a team culture of candor and courageous listening. But to do both well, what teams really need is a culture of skillful candor. Communicating with candor without skillfulness can be experienced as attacking, unloading, or showboating. It can be hurtful and drive people back into avoidance masquerading as […]
ON MY MIND: Courageous Listening Opens the Door to Candor
In last week’s blog, I wrote about what it means to foster a team culture of respectful, real-time candor in contrast to one of inauthentic niceness. It’s easy to conclude that candor is all about speaking the truth. But the key to building a culture of candor is in how we listen. Teams in which […]