In My Tool Bag: The ABCDs of Communication Breakdown
Communication breakdowns are inevitable when you are trying to build a culture of candor on your team or in your organization. The first step in minimizing these painful events is by learning to recognize your own contribution to them. University of Washington psychologist John Gottman identified four communication behaviors that derail relationships so consistently he […]
IN MY TOOL BAG: Empathy: Mastering the Vocabulary of Emotions and Needs
In last week’s blog, I explored the role of empathy in building a culture of candor on a team. I define empathy as the capacity to understand and acknowledge others’ feelings and needs. Over the years I’ve noticed that one barrier, particularly for men, is that we don’t always have a great vocabulary for feelings […]
ON MY MIND: Using Empathy to Avoid “Weaponizing” Candor
There are times when our colleagues do or say things that we label as bothersome, disappointing, or even threatening to our interests. Based on their actions we make fast judgments about who they are – an obstacle, an inconvenience, or even an adversary. These conclusions serve as justification for us to take an aggressive tone, […]
ON MY MIND: Are You Speaking Up When it Matters?
Recently, I’ve been writing about how to build a culture of skillful candor on a team while emphasizing the necessity of courageous listening as a way to increase team learning and lay the foundation for safety. This kind of listening is an important capacity that’s central to a TRUEteam culture. Of equal importance is speaking […]
FROM MY BOOKSHELF: Fierce to Fire, Two Books for Mastering Candor
My last two blogs were about building a team culture of candor and courageous listening. But to do both well, what teams really need is a culture of skillful candor. Communicating with candor without skillfulness can be experienced as attacking, unloading, or showboating. It can be hurtful and drive people back into avoidance masquerading as […]
ON MY MIND: Courageous Listening Opens the Door to Candor
In last week’s blog, I wrote about what it means to foster a team culture of respectful, real-time candor in contrast to one of inauthentic niceness. It’s easy to conclude that candor is all about speaking the truth. But the key to building a culture of candor is in how we listen. Teams in which […]
ON MY MIND: The End of Niceness: Building a Culture of Candor
There is a problem with your team. It’s niceness. I’m not referring to treating people with civility and kindness. I’m referring to an inauthentic politeness that involves withholding important critical feedback and avoiding difficult conversations. Niceness in the way I’ve defined it above gets in the way of your team’s learning, improving, and building true […]
IN MY TOOL BAG: Picture Card Decks
Using picture card decks in my work has made me a believer in the adage that “a picture is worth a thousand words.” I have seen how visual images can elicit new insights, invite people to tap into their emotional selves, and reveal previously hidden aspirations. That’s why I always travel with a deck of […]
ON MY MIND, A 3-PART SERIES- PART 3: Four Mental Hijackers
In Part 1 of this series, I introduced four “mental hijackers” that undermine our efficacy as leaders. The second blog examined two of those hijackers- worry and regret- and how to overcome them. Now let’s look more closely at the other two mental hijackers – resentment and resignation. Both of these hijackers tend to show […]
ON MY MIND, A 3-PART SERIES- PART 2: Four Mental Hijackers
In my previous blog, I described four mental hijackers – internally generated distractions that take us out of the present moment and cause us to lose focus and perspective. Now let’s look more closely at two of the hijackers – regret and worry. Regret causes us to focus on how we’ve let ourselves or others […]