In My Tool Bag: The ABCDs of Communication Breakdown
Communication breakdowns are inevitable when you are trying to build a culture of candor on your team or in your organization. The first step in minimizing these painful events is by learning to recognize your own contribution to them. University of Washington psychologist John Gottman identified four communication behaviors that derail relationships so consistently he […]
ON MY MIND, A 3-PART SERIES- PART 2: Four Mental Hijackers
In my previous blog, I described four mental hijackers – internally generated distractions that take us out of the present moment and cause us to lose focus and perspective. Now let’s look more closely at two of the hijackers – regret and worry. Regret causes us to focus on how we’ve let ourselves or others […]
ON MY MIND, A 3-PART SERIES- PART 1: Four Mental Hijackers
We live in a world of information overload where it’s easy to lose focus on what matters most. From a 24/7 barrage of social media to fervent multi-tasking,- we’re distracted by micro-urgencies that scream for our attention: right now! But in addition to these glaring external distractions, there’s a secondary, subtle set of distractions that […]
IN MY TOOL BAG: The Atlas of Emotions
There was a time in my life when I had very little vocabulary to describe my emotions beyond happy, sad, and… hungry. OK, technically the third one isn’t really an emotion but it’s all I had at the time. Much later in life, I learned to identify and distinguish a wider range of emotions, to […]
FROM MY BOOKSHELF: The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute
My least favorite kind of book is the modern-day leadership parable: Too often the characters are simplistic and the narrative stilted. An exception to my distaste is The Anatomy of Peace, a book inspired by real events. The Anatomy of Peace tells a compelling story of people who, despite having every reason to hate one […]
Relationship Repair (Part 3)- Reset the Contract with Your Team Mate(s)
A skillfully expressed apology might be sufficient to repair a relationship. But more often than not, a second kind of conversation is required. It is the conversation about what you and the other person need from one another to work together effectively in the future. I call this the “relationship reset” conversation. A relationship reset […]
Relationship Repair (Part 2)- Deliver A Meaningful Apology
Saying “sorry” is not easy for most of us. It is easier to decide others are the problem – that they are oversensitive or unreasonable in their expectations. It’s more comfortable to self-justify our behavior or retreat in shame. However, if you are committed to repairing your relationship with an employee or teammate, a meaningful […]
Relationship Repair (Part 1) – Go in with the Right Mindset
If you work on a team it’s inevitable that at some point you will disappoint, frustrate or anger a colleague. You will fail to keep a promise. You will take an action or make a decision that negatively impacts others. You will react during stressful moments in ways you later regret. In these moments repairing […]
ON MY MIND: Intentional Leadership and the Daily Five
I used to start my mornings with the jolt of an alarm clock that would set into motion a mental list of tasks that I needed to get done throughout the day. This habit enabled me to get a lot of “stuff” done. But, over time, I began to notice that even though I was […]