If there is a holy grail of leadership (especially for men), embracing vulnerability might be it.
Vulnerability means being open about one’s weaknesses and struggles, and empathetic to others’ when they are vulnerable. It is not always easy to be vulnerable, and especially so for people in positions of leadership.
Why is vulnerability so difficult? First, we have a longstanding cultural narrative about “strong” leaders being invincible, decisive, unwavering, all-knowing, cold, confident, and assertive. Many leaders buy into such a narrative and believe that failing to meet this standard will cause them to be viewed as weak or incompetent.
The fear of being seen this way leads to the second reason vulnerability is so difficult – shame is pervasive in our culture. Leaders often believe it is wise to convey an unwavering story of personal strength. They fear that failing to live up to the standard they, and the larger culture, have set would cause unbearable shame.
Based on the above, leaders often decide that being vulnerable comes with too high a price. So, they get very good at hiding their flaws. However, they fail to calculate the cost of maintaining a façade of invincibility.
So, if you want to work on becoming a more authentic and vulnerable leader, here are seven practices to consider.
- Learn to be kind toward yourself. Nobody is perfect. People who try to maintain such a façade are, as stated above, more stressed, more defensive, and less trustworthy in the eyes of other people. See yourself as a work in progress like every other human on the planet.
- Work on self-awareness. Understand your own strengths, weaknesses, and ego stories. Understand what makes it difficult for you to be authentic and honest about your limitations.
- Admit mistakes. When you share and own failures and shortcomings you create safe conditions for others to be accountable to themselves and to one another.
- Ask for help. Great leaders know they can’t succeed alone. They possess a quality that organizational psychologist Adam Grant calls “confident humility” and are skilled at convening the right people at the right moment.
- Share your stories. Be willing to tell people about your own struggles, set-backs, and disappointments, as well as how you overcame them and/or grew from them.
- Encourage feedback. Conscious leaders ask for feedback from their team members, creating a safe and affirming space for people to share observations and suggestions. A senior leader gracefully asking and receiving feedback is the quickest way to normalize this practice throughout your team or organization.
- Respond to others with empathy. Too often we want to see people only as “job descriptions” and secretly hope they will check their emotions and personal lives at the door. But when leaders make space for employees to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, they shape a culture in which people feel understood, valued, and supported.
Get wiser when it comes to demonstrating vulnerability. Don’t wait to feel comfortable. Embrace the seven practices above and go for it! Don’t unload for the sake of unloading. Make sure what you share is contextually relevant and your sincere intention is to serve others and your organization by modeling healthy vulnerability.
Photo Credit: Taleon Pinheiro on Unsplash