Lately I’ve had an inordinate number of clients reach out to share that they are going through difficult times — health challenges, loss of key employees and/or customers, financial struggles, organizational changes that impact their sense of job security, etc. They say they feel like the rug has been pulled out from under their feet. They feel disoriented, depressed, stressed, and afraid.
In thinking about what I can offer beyond an empathetic ear, I recalled teachings from my colleague Bob Stilger in his book After Now: When We Cannot See the Future Where do We Begin? in which he details his work with communities in Japan during the aftermath of the “triple disaster” in Fukushima – earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear explosions. Stilger offers practices that help us find some semblance of peace and harmony in the face of trying times.
Be still. Do not act. Meditate. Connect with your breath and body. Go for a long walk. Focus on what is here and now as a way to avoid negative prediction and hasty action.
Get connected. Hard times can be too difficult to handle alone. Seek out people who can hold you, host you, and help you not get lost as you navigate the confusion and grief of the moment. Seek out the resources you need or ask others to help you find them.
Empathize. Stay attuned to and accepting of grief, joy, hopelessness, and the sense of possibility within you and expressed by others. Without blame or judgment simply listen with your mind and heart.
Stay confused. Be willing to stay in a state of confusion and discomfort for long enough to get clear about what’s happening and what’s next. Sit with the messiness as you might sit with a puzzle – with curiosity, patience, and creativity
I’m adding two more practices to Bob’s thoughtful list:
Nurture hope with gratitude. It’s easy to focus on what’s not going well. Be intentional about noticing what is good, what is working, what fortifies you. Notice and name even the smallest things that make you smile or for which you feel thankful.
Exercise kindness. It’s easy to get into fight-flight mode during difficult times. So, you have to work extra hard to be gentle and generous toward yourself and others. Remind yourself that you are doing your best and for now, your best is good enough.
What practices have you discovered help you during difficult times?
Photo credit: Carlos de Miguel at Unsplash
Visualization! Close your eyes and recall the beauty of a National Park, resee the joy of a special event,let your mind see a meaningful photograph of happiness !These are things you enjoyed and give hope that there will be more times of such joy.
Thanks mom! I’m visualizing your brisket and feel better already!
I wonder if your mom’s brisket is as good as my wife’s. Happy Chanukah,
Appreciate the insights of this entry — all simple (in concept), and doable — as well as the comments of your readers — all great ideas during this challenging time. Thank you, Larry —
Great stuff, thanks Larry!
I’d add “Write and Reflect.” When I’m struggling with something, my internal dialogue is often amorphous and repetitive, and I have a hard time getting to the root of the issue or thinking of viable solutions. Something about journaling–really discussing something with myself–helps me to see the situation more clearly, which often presents me with some options for moving forward.
I love this idea Sachi! Writing to discover and reflect on the conversation in my head is a great way to process during difficult times. Thanks for offering this!
This is a wonderful teaching, and important for these times. Thank you.
And… i love when your tab says “read in 2 minutes”- that truly helps me decide to be diverted from my work for a 2 or 3 minute insight!!!
Thank you Lisa.
I love “stay confused.” With so much uncertainty about how things will feel as we reopen, it’s almost comforting to have permission not to know what with certainty what you’ll do next week, next month, this fall….Thanks for that!
Personally, staying confused is one of my specializations… it’s also a (sometimes subversive) way to let sacred cows die and bring into being new ways of operating.
Three things:
1. Be thankful you’re alive and have the capacity to complain… many others aren’t so blessed.
2. Listen to music you love.
3. Remember that in spite of everything you’re experiencing, there are so many who are even more distressed, for even more serious reasons.
Thanks David — love the theme of keeping one’s own hardships in perspective. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the years I worked in Guatemala with families that lived on $2 per day, no safety net, and huge uncertainty about how income and basic needs would be met from week to week. Puts my own “suffering” in its proper place.
As one who struggles with catastrophic thinking, I had Nelson Mandela’s prison number tattooed on the inside of my foot. If the reminder of someone imprisoned for 27 years and coming out a peace activist doesn’t put my little dramas into some perspective…well, it works for me.
Thanks Larry, these are great reminders. Writing and music has kept me on the balanced side, along with walking and gardening. And seeing my grandkids.
Thanks for sharing your self-care practices Nancy.
My practice is to pause, go into my body, and with self-compassion feel what I’m feeling. I’ve found that going through is the only clean way out. Sometimes I sit with my feelings, sometimes I sing them, dance them, or write them — whatever it takes to get the energy moving. In the darkness I inevitably find the grace, blessings and gifts that allow me to heal and grow!
Hi Larry, I loved this entry. The one that I might add, which was suggested by your point of kindness, is helping others. Research on altruism suggests there is no such thing. When we take care of others, we take care of ourselves. Who is a friend or neighbor we can reach out to?