Back in the 1980s, I was at a small regional airport with a colleague named Michael. We were traveling together, running late and at risk of missing our flight. I suggested we sprint to the gate. Michael looked at me and said, “Larry, a guy who looks like me, particularly on a day I’m dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, doesn’t sprint through this airport.” At first, I thought he was joking. Then, I understood. We walked silently to our gate.
That was the day I awakened to the stark contrast of a black man’s reality in America with the privilege that I took for granted. That was the day I recognized how, unlike Michael, I could run, talk back, dress sloppily, take a stand, and be careless with my words and actions with little consequence. I knew racism, sexism, and bigotry existed. I had worked for a civil rights organization out of college! But I had not truly owned my privilege as a straight white man categorized by society as normal, safe, and worthy of respect. Nor had I fully embraced my responsibility to use my unearned privilege to take on inequity.
This three-part blog is my attempt to do just that. It’s a personal exploration of privilege, responsibility, and integrity. I feel certain I won’t “get it right” in everyone’s eyes but hope that it will provoke new questions and conversations among my readers.
I can appreciate why the term “white privilege” is charged for white men: 1) just because a man is white does not mean that he lives an adversity-free life, and 2) there are plenty of white people who have overcome barriers to gain what they have. These two indisputable truths co-exist with a third truth – white men have greater access to institutional power and resources than do people of color. Decades of research show this to be true. But findings from a study conducted by Pew Research Center show that only 46% of white people believe they benefit “a great deal” or “a fair amount” from advantages that society does not offer to black people. So, white people are disproportionately advantaged and blind to our own privilege.
Since that day in the airport, I have become more aware of my advantages and of how comfortable (and at times complacent) I feel in a world that treats me as someone who “belongs” no matter where I am. Even though I am increasingly “the other” — Jewish, almost 60 years old, and beginning to show signs of a physical disability – I sense that I’m perceived by people who do not know me as non-threatening, financially reliable, and competent.
What if taking on white male privilege in our workplaces and communities was a 21st-century leadership capacity? When I think about my own desire to be this kind of change agent, three questions arise:
* What is my particular responsibility as a straight, white male in creating a more equitable system alongside people of color, women, and LGBTQ individuals?
* How can I recognize and stop being complicit in systems that foster inequity?
* What does it mean to become an effective ally in creating a world that works for everyone?
I want to be clear that these are my questions. I am offering them as an invitation to explore your own questions, wherever you sit on the spectrum of power and privilege in our culture. Please feel free to share your reflections on my questions and offer your own in the comments section below.
As you submit comments and exchange views online I ask that you do it in a way that fosters the world we want by extending grace and patience to yourself and one another.
Photo Credit: Giacomo Petronio
I am so behind the curve in this area that every time I open my mouth I offend someone.
Thanks for speaking eloquently and encouraging progress in each of us.
Greg – One source of privilege is that we white guys offend with fewer consequences. That said, saying something that offends can force us into shame and silence. That’s not a productive place to be. It’s so easy to feel inadequate in navigating this terrain. Sometimes just naming that and asking basic questions is a decent starting place. Also, men who identify as white need to talk with each other more about our fears and aspirations when it comes to taking on racism “out there” and “in here”.
Larry,
Thank you for sharing this, and for proposing such thoughtful questions. For me, I think it is important to keep a stance if openness. Privilege is a layered and mult-faceted thing, and, as you point out, those of us who benefit most are often blind to it. I am trying to continually remind myself that even when I think I “see” and own my privilege, there are undoubtedly layers I am missing. So, for now, I commit myself to continued learning, and I will strive for openness as a starting place.
We are all on this learning path Annie. I really appreciate the reminder about openness — to what we don’t see, to what we don’t know, to the new layers we are discovering with each encounter. Thanks so much for sharing this comment with everyone!
Larry- these are three really important questions. Thanks for asking them. My inclination – as someone hoping to live with open eyes, as I too strive toward my fullest/best self within these thorny topics – is that the second question is perhaps the ‘best first step.’ As your story reflects, self-recognition more often than not happens in (and through) relational commitments. Therefore, it is not as if one can simply smart his/her way into recognizing and stopping his/her complicity in systems that foster inequity. However, questions one and three I think require a higher degree of collaborative exploration. I wonder if nested together, the work to unpacking these three questions might naturally become sequential: 1) how do I recognize and therefore 2) own my responsibility so as to 3) become an effective ally.
I look forward to reading more Larry- Matt
Hi Matt — Love, love, love your resequenced of these questions! I agree with you that we learn this stuff through our relationships with others — particularly others who are different from us. Finding partners who want to collaboratively explore this stuff and creating a safe container for the exploration also seems key. What do you think? – L
“Finding partners who want to collaboratively explore … [in] a safe container for the exploration also seems key.”- totally agree Larry. Thanks again for the thoughtfulness & framing.
Thank you Larry for bringing this much needed dialogue to the corporate space. As a white woman, raised in the south in a law enforcement family, I am keenly aware of how privilege has shaped my life. And, I am equally aware of how unearned that privilege is. That said, I know that peeling back the layers of privilege is a lifelong journey. As soon as I think I “get it,” I am gobsmacked by just how much I really don’t get it!
One question I think we need to ask ourselves, if I am truly committed to equity, am I willing to step aside so others can occupy this space too? Will I use my privilege to lift others up by removing myself from the equation? Sometimes stepping aside is what stepping up looks like.
I remember hearing you say one time that you no longer rush through the airport. If you’re late, you’re late. You will get home eventually. At that time I understood that as simply living in the present and reducing situational stress. I see it now through a different lens. If others can’t run. I won’t run either. Not exercising privilege is a way of advocating for equity.
Thanks so much for this reflection Robyn. I like the question you pose about, if I understand you correctly, being willing to give up our own interests at times in the name of equity. I think it’s the hardest thing to do — to say, I step back or away from some “goodies” to make space for others who don’t have the built-in advantages I have. I’m not suggesting that I compete less hard for what I want. But I may also choose to assist someone to be fully seen for his or her gifts, even if in the end those gifts outshine my own. That’s called leveling the playing field.
Larry,
As a friend and someone who’s known you since the fourth grade, I want to thank you for tackling this topic. I’d also like to add that we grew up in a wonderfully diverse community that truly cared for others. This might have an unintended side affect of making us a little ‘color blind’ because we all got along so well. It wasn’t until I left the safety of our little town that I was openly faced with the struggles of racism and classism. Keep up the good work my friend!
Thanks old friend. I had a mixed experience — one was the amazing generosity and kindness of people who came from different cultures than the one in which I grew up. The other was being on the receiving side of gang-based violence and bullying (which I tended to keep a secret from my friends). All that said, I agree with you that there was a richness growing up in such a diverse community that was a gift in my life as well.
Hi, Larry, Thanks for this important discussion. I am glad you raise the issue of being Jewish, because I think we Jews are in an ambivalent position with regard to our ‘whiteness.’ Although those of us of European descent have white skin, we do not fully fit into the dominant white culture. Take, for example, the Charlottesville chant, “Jews will not replace us.” Many Americans, especially these days, see Jews as fake white people. Just because a man has white skin doesn’t mean he feels white or privileged inside his head.
Thanks Alan. The issue you raise is important and complicated for white Jews in America. Most of us would not self-identify as “white” because we feel connected to our ethnic roots and to historic realities of being ostracized because we were different. And as you point out, it’s not just history — these realities exist today among nationalist bigots and anti-semites.
That truth sits alongside the other truth that in America over generations white Jews have benefited from being white, culturally assimilated, and advantaged in ways that equally qualified and hard-working people of color have not.
Each American of Jewish heritage is left to his or her own conscience to decide how to navigate the co-existence of economic and social privilege with being the object of hate among a segment of Americans. Each of us also has to navigate the choice of stepping away from self-interest to dismantle systems of inequity from which we may benefit.
— L
Thank you for this conversation! And for framing our privilege awareness as a leadership competency. I look forward to seeing the next phases of the series.
Thanks for taking this on Larry. It took me until 2010 at an IAF conference to sit myself down in a dialogue circle on this topic and allow the simple awareness of my role to take hold of me. I had always sidestepped issues of diversity and inclusion because I too represent privilege. Conversations like this one you have started can help everyone to find a way to be part of a larger solution. I particularly like the way your stance of “yes, and…” allows the people who make excuses to simply keep thinking.
Thank you John — sitting down in a dialogue circle seems like a powerful way to enter this exploration with others and with oneself. I wish there were more of these opportunities.
Gratitude for your sharing, Larry.
Gratitude for the sharing of others here, and in our communities for peaceful, respectful and action oriented dialogue.
My personal focus – and vulnerability – includes to be open, to truly listen, and to share -when it’s my turn and it is useful.
My personal goals include how to contribute and give power to the “we” so I contribute to the physical and emotional safety for everyone. The safer we each and all feel, the healthier and more able we can be. I commit to, and believe in, these actions. Listening, respectfully with deep humility….Again, thank you. ☮️
Thank you, Larry. This is such an important topic. Regarding the step “How can I recognize and stop being complicit in systems that foster inequity?,” may I suggest two books that can help us educate ourselves? I find that taking the burden off of people of color to “teach” me about systemic inequity and doing the work myself is an important first effort to make. I have learned a lot from the work of Robin DiAngelo–all her books are great, but to start I’d suggest “Is Everyone Really Equal? An Introduction to Key Concepts in Social Justice Education,” and/or “White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard to Talk to White People About Racism.” “The Color of Money: Black Banks and the Racial Wealth Gap,” by Mehrsa Baradaran, speaks to how African Americans have been systemically excluded from the financial engines that created white wealth since the Civil War. A must read.